For the sake of the little lifes.

It's been a long time that I had not touch my blog so after reading 1 mail I've decided to write something on it. There's 1 night when me and my husband was sleeping peacefully suddenly we heard a loud "Thud" on the marble floor. And there's when we heard our little baby Tim fell down from the bed and he cried out hysterically because of the pain. The bed's height is really quite high from the normal bed. So I guess that really hurt somemore to get hit on the marble floor while sleeping. Timothy's sleeping habit is very bad. He'll rotate 360 degree around the bed eventhough he's asleep. But when we heard the "Thud" sound my heart really fell off to the ground. Seeing him crying in pain makes my heart bleeds. I couldn't imagine now life without Tim. But when I read a mail from a friend of mine, I was devastated. Looking at the pictures where the babies were abandoned and left dead around the streets really a sad sight for me to continue scrolling for the next pictures. Some are wrapped in cloths or shirts and cap but some are just left stark naked with their umbilicial cord attached and some even started to rot in the middle of the forest. As a human, I ask all of you. Do you have the heart to carry out such things with your own bare hand?It's a life. A helpless small little life. If you don't want to take care a kid then just don't mess around and fuck around without condoms! Condoms have it's own reasons of existence. People don't just invent rubber balloons for nothing. Going through the labor pain and all the time that I'd spent on my child I know it was a hard task but his existence in my life have opened another chapter in my book of life. His laughter, smiles and giggles can't be found in any other parts of my life. His existence is very significant to me. Without him, there is no me. With him in my life I learn to carry more responsible. I've become stricter, naggier, and loves to control. I have learn to love more than to hate. To be happy rather than to be sad. He's my everything now and forever. I love you Tim.

Guess I'm too free to publish post this week. My sister in law came back to the house with her daughter and son. My son was so happy because finally there's someone who is from the same category with him. So cute~my son likes other kids to accompany him. And believe me~he's generous when playing with them. I could not remember or have any idea where he got the idea of sharing. That really amused me. But he can be a little devil if provoked. He really resembles me a lot now till I can't even find any reason to deny it anymore. Is just like looking at the smaller me and in the little boy version. And now I hope that i won't get any daughter. Because I don't want her to turn into like me. Because I don't think I have any girly or moral behaviour to be her model. So I am really afraid that she'll turn like me. A crazy one~! But I wonder eventhough all my child is boy,can I really be their role model? I'm afraid I can't. Cause I'm the type of person who'll be driven in by lust and desire which is quite bad. I'm trying to control it so that I could really assure myself that I can be their teacher and their mother. But I can't. I'm a devil myself. An angel in disguise. I hope there's light that could shine up through my path so I can understand myself better and to be a better adult. I promise you Timothy~mummy will be a good people,OK?

Love is on the Air

Ever remembered how was your first love was? I remembered the first person who I really admired but got rejected though. He was a nice boy. He didn't really rejected me in the harsh way but rather try not to hurt me. But I wished he could be a little more straightforward then. So after that, I met with my first boyfriend, D. He's from my Karate club and the only time I was fascinated by his charm is during the Karate training. He was good at it. Well, of course that's not my main reason joining in Karate. So, he was sweet and soft but the only negative thing about him is indecisive. I'm kinda big sister to him but at first I thought it was OK but I'm getting tired after the 3 years relationship so I decided to cut it off. Well, it did made an impact to me but I didn't imagined it to recover so fast. After that I met with my husband. Well, I like him because he's kinda cute (personality ) and humorous. And I know that he really cared a lot bout me eventhough he didn't show any affections. He's kinda boring if you're thinking to get a romantic, understanding and sweet guy next door type. He's as blur as a squid, as hard as a wood and not very understanding at all. And one thing I hate him the most. His jealousy. Well, I always thought that only women can get jealous at times but meeting him has proven my hypothesis was wrong. Well, to start with my character I was a tomboy. So mostly I hang around with guys. This is the most common facts to be known if you're an AS students. You'll never see me in the shopping complex hanging around with girls and shop around. So, back to my hubby here, it seems that he was kinda culture shock to find out that I've been always hanging around with guys in U. And he always argued with me that no guys will be friendly with a girl without any further intention. I doubt that but I do believe people blindly but of course I would never get myself into that trouble. I'm not that stupid. But somehow I don't feel all guys are like that. I believe my gang wouldn't do something like that. Being a friend I'll put trustworthy at the 1st place. But if you provoked me, Astalavista Babe~! No chances given. I don't know why I'm like this but I always carry a motto with me. "Revenge is Sweet". Like how it goes with My Chemical Romance second album "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge". Friendship is meant to be cherished, not to be betrayed or taken for granted. So everyone out there, be blessed.